he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
