well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize