i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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