Sponge bath it is.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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