I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
