The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
