Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
