her vagina looked like bernie madoff
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
