I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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