True but thats because hes a fetus.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
