Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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