Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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