i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
