Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
All I want is dick and wine.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
