so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
