So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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