I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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