This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
