So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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