Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
