oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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