the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
