That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize