I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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