Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
