I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
