so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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