that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
