It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
