I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
