Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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