Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
