Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
