you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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