Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
