i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
