guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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