I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
