just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
