Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
