literally had 100 drinks last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
