we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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