You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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