Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
