Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
