She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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