i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
