I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
