you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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