Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
