Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
