Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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