I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
