People with herpes should wear stickers.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
being pregnant is like rehab
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
