You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
