So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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