Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
