I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my moral compass just broke
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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