Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i've created a new STD.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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