So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
