I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
