apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
