you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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