woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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