We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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