I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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