you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
