The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
