the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
