Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
