I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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