By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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