ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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